Going Postal
by MailCall
Summary: The Mailman and Link share an unforgettable night together.


"If I have a letter for you, I will approach you at high speed! Please do not flee!" –The Postman.

Link never thought too hard about fleeing. Who could flee from such a gorgeous creature? Whose calves were as stone, whose eyes were as sapphire, whose beard was rendered, pixel by pixel, as absolute perfection? Who would ever think of running from that glorious creature? "Not I," thought Link. No, I want to be closer. The thought of those thighs, bouncing with each step as the postman approached faster and faster filled Link to the brim with pleasure. "Run away," he thought. "I'd sooner lick a dodongo."

Weeks had passed and Link had seen the postman precious little. Only after every fused shadow, processes which could take weeks, did he ever seem to show up. He had gone to castle town to pick up bombs from Malo, but through it all, the postman never quite seemed to leave his mind. It was this thought process, and the depression that came with it, that sent him to the bar in the south of town. A drink or two might help him lighten up. He never could have expected that a simple trip to the bar would become the most important night of his life.

"…" said Link.

"Here you go, Hero."

Link eyed his drink, hardly concerned with what exactly he had been given a double of. It wasn't a double dose of mail, and that's all he needed. He took a look around the bar. No one would have quite the calves he needed in his life, but perhaps he could find someone pleasant to look at, at the very least. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he sees, standing in full glory, the mailman: perhaps our most important public servant, a greater hero than Link could ever have hoped to be.

His throat tightens. His muscles tense. His heart races.

Not now.

The mailman is crouching in a corner, casually reading a catalogue labeled "Big Meat," only serving to further turn our poor hero on. He feels a heat move down his legs and a chill run down his spine. It was too much, seeing him there, his shorts balled up at the legs. Those thighs, the goddesses, those thighs! How could a man, so young, so virile, have provided such beauty in such short time! Link looked away, briefly, to his drink. He looked down. His manhood was showing. He moved quickly to cover it. He couldn't let his cover down just yet. Link downed his drink. Time to show the mailman another kind of Big Meat.

"'Scuse me, I'm tryin' ta order some meat. I don't got any letters for you today!"

"…" said Link.

"Oh ho ho ho, that's coming on a bit strong, don't you think?"

"…"

"I… I've never thought about it like that."

Link briefly revealed his throbbing cock.

"…" he said.

The postman looked around to make sure no one was in earshot. He had packages to deliver, but he felt the package in front of him was a bit more deserving of his attention at the moment.

"My route can wait…" he said, eyeing Link's nether region. "Come with me, I know exactly where we can deliver that."

"…"

"That's fine with me."

Link removed his tunic as the postman took down his shorts. Link kissed the postman's pointed cheeks, tearing his lip a bit on their jagged edge. He ran his hand through the postman's beard, scratching a bit, kissing the postman softly. His hand started to move down the postman's body, pausing briefly on the nipple, but only as a tease.

"…?"

"Wherever you think it ought to be delivered."

Link rubbed the postman's cock, continuing to kiss him, ever harder, as the postman's cock became erect, ever harder. He turned the postman around and bent him over in one fell swoop.

"…!"

"Are you sure?!"

"…!"

Link went in dry, tearing the postman a new asshole inside his old one. Link's Master Sword doused the prostate perfectly, and within minutes the mail came for the postman. Link's package was still far away, though, and he intended its delivery to take ages.

"…"

Before Link had even finished being silent for a few seconds, the postman understood and took the sword into his mouth, hoping to soon eat some delicious Ordon cheese. Speaking of goats, Link was by far the biggest man the postman had ever been with. "Good thing I didn't order any of that Big Meat," he said, between strokes.

"…?"

"Because the meat right here was delivered much faster, and without a doubt, has satisfied me much more. Now excuse me while I embrace my Goron ancestry."

"…?"

"I'm about to eat this rock hard cock!"

He continued to suck at Link until his package was delivered completely, and right on time. As soon as Link and the postman were dressed again, Malo came to the spot behind his store to investigate the noise.

"…"

"Ah, of course, ever vigilant. Seems like whatever made the noise got away, though. Thanks for checking it out."

Link and the Postman looked at each other and smiled. Their love was a forbidden one, two kinds of heroes from two different worlds, paths never meant to cross, except when a missive was due. But perhaps the delivery of this package was fate, perhaps the goddesses saw fit to finally reward their hero for all his hard work. Perhaps those succulent thighs existed only to quell the raging fire inside Link's heart, burning hotter and brighter than Fyrus on a summer's day. He would never be able to talk about this night, to his disappointment, but neither would Link ever forget the day he helped deliver the mail.


End file.
